Mama Monday Disclaimer: I am nowhere near an expert mom. I am on a mama journey just like all of you are. However, I'm more than willing to share my experience with you guys. If today's topic is something that you have an experience with then I hope you'll share too...either on your own blog (be sure to leave us a link) or in the comments section.
Okay, I'm hoping we can have some good discussion/idea sharing today about ways to maintain your couple-hood while raising little (or big!) kiddos. Afterall, this is the person I'm stuck with long after these little munchkins are off on their own, right? Better make sure it's good. =)
1. Truthfully with our business getting off the ground Brent and I don't see each other a ton during the evenings. I'm usually at a shoot or pecking away at this computer while Brent is on the couch working on the financial side of this venture. The cool thing about that though is that this is something we're working on together. It's definitely "our business" rather than "my business" .
2. We pretty much make sure to head to bed at the same time. It used to be 10ish but it's getting closer to 11ish these days. And even on the latest of nights we still manage to find a few minutes to talk as we fall asleep. After we race each other to check on the kiddos, of course.
3. Date night. This is something that we fall into and out of but we always come back to it. For us getting a babysitter once a week or so just isn't in the budget. Even once a month is kind of pushing it. Instead we'll give the kiddos dinner at our regular time (5:30ish) and then give them baths and put them to bed (7ish). Then we head to the kitchen and make ourselves something super spectacular usually complete with appetizers, drinks and dessert. It's so fun to do the cooking together, to try something new and adventerous, and to...EAT...in PEACE and QUIET! We'll usually turn on some music and, get this, TALK! WHOA! =)
4. I think we both try to be really respectful of each other's need for alone time and personal activities/friendships but by and large we spend most of our free time together. On the weekends Brent will occasionally go mountain biking with buddies or I'll do a little shopping but more often than not we're doing family stuff. In all honesty he's the one I want to spend time with the most. And the more I spend time with him the more that's true.
5. Couple friends. This is a hard one I think because it can be really hit or miss when looking for other couples to hang out with that you both enjoy. But it's been huge for us in our marriage. Shortly after we were married we found Steve and Samantha who were SO similar to us in their thoughts, ideals, and feelings about life and couplehood. Not surprisingly our lives have mirrored one another's almost identically from the time of our first assignment to Dayton, then Colorado Springs, and both of our (girl-boy) children. Having them in our lives as an example of another strong, young marriage has been so good for us. The same is true for our relationship with Rich and Amy. And Mandy and Christian. And Christi and Joel. And Ron and J.J. And Amy and Steven. And the list goes on and on. Watching and learning from these other couples has been a very good thing.
Okay, I could go on (and maybe I'll come back and add) but I'm off to tend to kidlets. I really, really hope you guys will chime in and share/buddy post on this one. I'd love to hear and learn from you!
Buddy Posters...
Megan (our sweet babysitter...who we wish we could afford more often!)
Marilee at Mishpacha (aka, Erin Cobb Photography VIPs =)
Heather at The SarahBear
18 comments:
Here's an idea for date night, as hiring a babysitter once a week or month wasn't in our budget either. We have a great group of friends with kiddos the same age as ours so we switch every other week, alternating we watch their kids and they go out, and vice versa, then every so often we share a babysitter and all go out together. It's an inexpensive way to get those monthly or every other week dates in and it has made a huge difference in our marriage.:)
Grown up time was a big hit for my parents. (this might have to wait until the youngest is around 3 or older) but the idea is that after dinner- the children have to leave the kitchen and go play on their own- no coming back into the kitchen- Mom and Dad sat at the table (not doing dishes, nothing- just sitting) and got to have "grown up time" for 20 minutes with not distractions- just the two of them at the table-talking. I think that was huge for them- Scott and I already have that in the works for whenever we have kids!
We are pretty much the same as you. It is hard for us to find a babysitter, so we try to have our dates at home, after our daughter is in bed. We have a firepit in our backyard, so as of late, we like to go out and make s'mores and sit and talk.
I also think that it is really important to do family things that are just as much for mom and dad as they are for the kids. We take Rory to the park, and let her run while we sit and catch up. I think spending time as a family doing things everyone loves really helps our relationship because we see eachother just enjoying our life and our child, rather than being the stressed out, busy, wanting to get things done around the house parents we can sometimes be when we're at home. It makes us appreciate eachother for being the parents we are, as well as the spouses we are.
We pretty much do the same things around here. It is hard finding that time when your kids are small. With a newborn I am exhausted in the evenings so I try to stay up and hang out. Our new thing is putting the kids in the car with a movie in (just a portable DVD player) to keep the oldest busy and quiet. We head for coffee(a big deal around here) and then just drive around. We chat, talk about places we want to eat at once we get the chance, drive by our old house, and then try to see a new area in town. It's peaceful and we enjoy the hour or so!
aw thanks my friend...it was huge for us, too, those first few years to have wonderful couples to hang out with and learn about 'couplehood' together...still hoping for that compound one day.
Well, you know me - so you know that, unfortunately, I'm of no help on this subject. However I want to say that I think comment #4 - that Brent is the one you want to spend your free time with, is just the sweetest thing! And I think you guys are on the right track. I envy you!!!!
Do you have friends in town with kids that you could go in together and hire a babysitter and have a double date?
it's so much easier when they are little and they actually go to sleep early. when they are older, as in 8, they want to stay up so late, and by 10 i am ready for bed LOL!
we do sometimes switch with a neighbor but it happens less and less...plus they have 2 toddlers + one older and mine are both older so it's not quite as fair for me....we really NEEd to get some time ALONE though! for SURE> thanks for reminding me...it's nice that you started this tradition while they are young, so you can continue with it.
tara
We will take our Son to my mom's house once a month and just go for a couple hours. Sometimes we go out to eat and sometimes a movie. We love to go to the mall too, and just walk and talk.
We do almost everything as a family....whether it something big or something as simple as going to the store together. Even though the kids are there, I think it is good for our relationship as a couple too.
Another way we stay connected is by talking on the phone several times throughout the day. I know not everyone has that opportunity but it is a good way for us to stay close.
One thing Tony and I do is to arrange to meet at Panera once a month for breakfast when the kiddos are at pre-school. Then, we do not need to find a sitter and only spend $6-$8 for bagels and drinks. We also have 10 minutes of mama and Dad time each night after dinner. Right along the same lines as a.k. mentioned. LJZ excuse themselves fromt he table and play in the family room as we sit and do a little catching up. The last thing we do is block off Saturday nights for a movie. We get the kids in bed, rent a movie and put all else aside.
I posted on this on my blog erin, you should put me on your post. I thought mine and seths situation was a unique one for this topic since we are still so new in our relationship but have a child
buddy poster @ mishpacha...
For the first couple of years after having our first daughter, we kept saying that we were going to have date night once a week. Well, we had good intentions, but it was very sporadic and definitely not once a week. Now, 9 years into our marriage and 2 kids later, we really do have quality date nights every week. The trick was finding something that we both enjoy so we weren't always trying to come up with a place to go on date nights. We started ballroom dancing...I know not all guys would jump at this idea. Kevin wasn't too excited either. But, he gave it a try and we both really enjoy it! Dancing with your spouse once a week really brings you close. We take weekly lessons. It has been difficult to squeeze lessons in every week, but we make sure not to skip a week. It is so worth it and I have to say that we are closer than ever...I do love that boy! ONce again, babysitting could be a problem for so many couples. We are blessed with all of our family close by to help out (and a neighbor with 3 teenage daughters!).
I'm In!
www.thesarahbear.blogspot.com
Thank you!
Love what everyone has said.
We have a hard time doing a date night. It never comes together regular enough for us. We do have bedtime at 8pm and then the rest of the evening together.
I also find, as you do Erin, that Mark is the one I prefer to spend my time with. I choose him hands down every time! I enjoy my girlfriends but connecting with my husband is what brings me true joy and next to my relationship with the Lord fulfills me the most.
When we haven't been able to really talk due to busy schedules I can tell by my grumpiness or feelings of disconntent. Amazing how a good conversation can make everything right.
Hi! New here.
#3 sounds great! We here too cannot afford right to have date night out. We will have to work on the kiddos schedule because they go to bed at 9pm. Thanks for sharing.
I can't believe I missed this one! I love your date at home idea. Sometimes we save dessert (the sugar kind) for after the kids go to bed, eat, and chat. Nothing like talking in silence. Ah.
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